Bush beaters
by Joseph Ida
Summary: Ashpaw, Cloudpaw and Swi are competing in the annual Bushman's challenge, will they win? All characters belong to their original owners since there will be a lot of them. Rated T for language, some innuendos and Karma Charger's joke weapons. (Completely based off the Team Neighborhood episode made by Greatdictator.)
1. Ashpaw

"Does these look like my kits to you?" Squirrelflight asked.

"Yeah." Ashfur mewed before he passed out. His eyes flickered open as someone was announcing something.

"I spent all the money on this microphone and stage. To compete for star-clan I would put all four clans into a blood bath winner will get one of our hunting trophies as compensation." Spottedleaf mewed as she help up the prize. Soon he passed out to wake up again as cats began attacking with many cats being slaughtered. Ashfur grabbed the body of a medicine cat.

"Littlecloud stay with me!" Ashfur shouted.

"NO!" Littlecloud shouted before disappearing on him. He soon turned to see Tigerheart ready to attack.

"Spy!" Ashfur shouted.

"NO!" Tigerheart shouted. Soon more legs came out of him. Ashfur screamed. Soon a stampede of cats came down.

"Lionblaze! Run now!" Cloudtail screamed.

"Nope Avi." Lionblaze mewed. Soon a bunch of sticky balls came rolling down destroying everything in sight. Soon Appledusk pushed a button which spawned more stick balls as they rolled along blowing everything up. Hollyleaf was standing over him.

"Any last words?" Hollyleaf mewed.

"Go to the dark forest." Ashfur growled. Hollyleaf just killed him with no remorse. Soon he was floating in an alternate dimension.

"Ahh piss." Ashfur mewed.

Ashpaw soon got up from his drug induced trip. He shook his head around to see what it was and he found a shape of a cat covered in piss on the floor. He got out his phone to call what it was.

"Hello would you like to make a reservation?" The caller asked. Ashpaw smiled yes as he had the biggest grin on his face.

Two months later, Coincidently, the day after the last episode. (If anyone hasn't seen Team Neighborhood you won't get this reference.)

Ashpaw woke up out of his tent as he observed the destruction of Bluestar's pool that was destroyed yesterday. Stonefur and Mistyfoot were busy cleaning it up. He got his cup of Joe as he felt groggy as he looked out.

"I can't believe a rocket destroyed this pool and I thought we were going to have good time." Mistyfoot mewed as she surveyed the damage. Ashpaw decided to head to the front porch. Where Tigerstar and a couple of plumbers were.

"Well you see, cement has got into the house through exposed piping. Clogging up the system. It ain't going to be no cheap spaghetti to clean out or replace the plumbing," Mario told Tigerstar about the damage as Luigi watched. Blackfoot was being wheeled out as half of his body was buried in dry cement. He was soon wielding to an ambulance. Tigerstar wasn't happy.

Ashpaw looked around as he saw Pehk's car pull up to thunder-clans house. A fluffy white tom came out with a suitcase and a duffle bag.

"Do Svidaniya!" (Goodbye!) Cloudpaw smiled after spending the day with Moonkitti. He turned to see Ashpaw with a cup of coffee looking groggy. He went to go greet Brightpaw. Soon his phone began to ring as he took it out. He saw an ad that made him jump.

"Bloody hell." Ashpaw mewed as he found out about it.

Brackenfur was leader of the French forces as he was dressed to perfect. He was assured a victory but someone began to whisper into his ear.

"What's that?" Brackenfur asked, the whispering continued. "Waterloo isn't a water park. Fall back!" He began to retreat along with troops, UFO's and Star wars vehicles everything getting blown up during his retreat. As it turned out, it was just a game. "NO! I won't be as cool as Washington! Pew pew pew." Brackenfur continued his rampant playing as Swiftpaw was getting annoyed. He was watching TV as an ad came on.

"Help make America great again by drinking pure homemade American water." A BLU scout was advertising.

"SELL OUT!" Swiftpaw shouted before changing the channels. Brackenfur continued his loud playing. "Brackenfur, can you like conquer Europe later?"

"I conquer France at 0630 hours. Then Germany at 0700, then Cleveland at 8! I have a campaign to meet! Lands to march!" Brackenfur told Swiftpaw in his rancid state.

"I'll march my paw up your ass." Swiftpaw mewed angrily. He threw a pillow at Brackenfur who he dodged easily.

"Ha! You throw like a conscript!" Brackenfur taunted Swiftpaw. Instead, a toy cannon was fired off hitting Brackenfur in the butt as he fell over breaking his game table. Brackenfur got up seeing his game table was split in half as he was torn apart. He grabbed his prized toy solider and he whimpered as its head came off. Swiftpaw looked over and smiled. "NO! Napoleon! You were supposed to live! Andbeexiledonanislandwithstomachcancer." Cloudpaw came in to see what was going with Brackenfur.

"Oi! What just happened?" Cloudpaw asked.

"Napoleon died by a body slam at Waterloo." Brakcenfur responded sad. Ashpaw headed up the stairs to see what was going on.

"Come on I don't have all day." Whitestorm mewed to whoever was in the bathroom.

"I AM TRYING TO FIX THESE ISSUES DUMMKOPF!" Cinderpelt shouted as she was in the middle of doing something. Ashpaw walked in.

"Brackenfur?" Ashpaw asked.

"NO!" Brackenfur shouted.

"Cloudpaw?" Ashpaw asked.

"Yeah?" Cloudpaw responded.

"Swiftpaw?" Ashpaw asked.

"What is it Ashpaw?" Swiftpaw asked. Swiftpaw held up his phone revealing the Ad he was so surprised about. It said:

This weekend only! The Bushman's challenge! For the elite warriors of NATURE! WIN SHIT!

Surely everyone was going to be super excited about this.

 **[A/N]: The start of the most insane fanfiction ever. I need 13 additional teams to be competing with our main characters Fourteen teams, three characters per team, one prize. Submit your teams to me as this is definitely going to be insane.**

 **Rules: Your teams must be characters from existing franchises and existing characters only (No OC's) and you could only choose three. Have fun making your teams.**


	2. On the road

The three cats gathered together with their duffel bags. Swiftpaw was in the camper with his phone as Ashpaw got the last duffel bag.

"So what's the prize? Is it money?" Swiftpaw asked curiously.

"It didn't say anything specific; it just said the grand prize." Ashpaw responded.

"So that's a no on the money?" Swiftpaw asked. Cloudpaw began deciding on what Grenade launcher he should bring but he quickly tossed it aside for a 6 barrel Loch N' Load.

"Well at least a prize is better than nothing, lad" Cloudpaw mewed to Swiftpaw.

"Well I better be able to sell it." Swiftpaw responded.

"Still, it's good sport, plus there's always the bragging rights." Ashpaw told him.

Ashpaw got into the camper van as he puts his sniper Rifle in the back. Cloudpaw entered the back of the camper with a box of 24 cans of Ginger Ale. Ashpaw puts the key into the Camper as it came to life. Ashpaw knocked to see if Cloudpaw was in there, Cloudpaw knocked back responding. Swiftpaw inputs the route.

"Calculating route." The GPS said. Ashpaw puts his paw to the pedal as they left the driveway.

"Auf Wiedersehen!" Cinderpelt mewed as they left. Brightpaw watched with a smile on her face. They turned left to find it was backed up with traffic. Many of the drivers were complaining about the block in the road. And that block was just a kid playing with jacks and balls.

"I sure do love me some jack and balls." The kid smiled as he looked around. Swiftpaw was busy putting in the different directions for the driving as he was confused.

"Make an Illegal U-turn." The GPS told the trio. Ashpaw decided to reverse into a Fire hydrant allowing water to spray everywhere. He turned away and he began to drive another route.

"I wonder where they're going?" Boulder asked.

"Probably to have a much more interesting time than we are." Russetfur growled with annoyance as she was reading her book.

The camper van was busy on its way to the address of the contest which was a very long drive. They passed through the populated city as they began to drive along as they entered the mountains. Time ticked by as they kept driving, enjoying the scenery. Ashpaw turned on the radio to see what was interesting happening.

"Good afternoon, isn't it such a lovely 87 degree day, the heat wave has passed and I would like to blame dale on the incorrect readings of yesterday's temperatures." The reporter began.

"Sorry." Dale insisted.

"Anyways, more news on how much the herb costs have been plummeting to lows since…" Swiftpaw decided to turn off the radio as he was wondering how far they were coming.

"So, how far away is it?" Swiftpaw asked.

"It's pretty far, but we're running low on gas." Ashpaw responded as he noticed they needed to refill. Luckily there was a rest stop nearby with a gas station as many cars, vans and trucks were pulling in and out. Ashpaw decided to stop at one of the gas stations to refill. "If any of you needs to use the bathroom, use it now; be back here in 10 minutes." Ashpaw told the two of them.

Cloudpaw began to look around the rest stop and to stretch his legs. Swiftpaw soon entered the gas station to use the bathroom.

"Scout." A voice called out. Swfitpaw continued to look around as he looked for the symbol for the rest room.

"I'll be with you in a moment." The voice came from behind the register. Ashpaw began to pour gas into the tank of the Camper as he turned on his phone to watch something.

"Feeling good?" Ashpaw asked.

"Yeah fresh mountain air." Cloudpaw responded.

Swiftpaw was busy urinating in the toilet minding his own business when he read something on the stall. By being in this stall on June 23rd, 1:16 P.M, you agreed to be consensually pummeled in da butt! Swiftpaw looked around as the clanking of metal shoes was heard. It soon turned as it went to the stall thinking it was empty. It opened the stall and Swiftpaw squealed.

"Oh, sorry." Roadhog said before he left the stall nervously. Swiftpaw sighed feeling that he had a moment to himself. Soon Frank the Shark entered the stall staring at Swiftpaw. Swiftpaw screamed as he felt something coming at him.

"This is going to take a while." Ashpaw said to himself before taking out his phone to turn on some Animal Planet. It was an episode about sharks. (Warning this documentary might get a bit sloppy but no lemons thank goodness.)

"The Great White Tibetan Land Shark, known for its uncontrollable sex drive and 36 inch penis. It gets quite horny during the summer, often choosing to see a mate." The Narrator of the documentary began to narrate about how dangerous the shark was. Cloudpaw decided to take a picture of the area's landmark, a giant banana with his phone. The Picture soon came out.

"Hey no pictures you asshole." The owner of a nearby stand shouted.

"Putting this beast in a snare will only make it mad. To defend yourself, you gotta blow it the fuck up!" The narrator continued telling more facts of the shark species. Swiftpaw soon waddled out of the Bathroom as he felt nervous.

"I hate gas station bathrooms." Swiftpaw mewed. He soon grabbed some pain killers and first aid. He turned and he bumped into a white fox.

"Scout? Wow! How are ya?" The white fox opened the conversation.

"Who are you? What are you?" Swiftpaw asked as he was being mistaken for someone else.

"It's been a long time!" The white fox smiled, running a paw on his face. It sent shivers down his spine and he quickly made a run for it to the cash resigster.

"Hehe, No! Nuh-uh. I ain't into it!" Swiftpaw responded backing up into the cash resigster.

"Here you go scout, your order." The cashier said giving him a tube.

"Yeah thanks." Swiftpaw mewed took the tube. It said soft squirt Anal Lube and Swiftpaw was shocked. "Wait? What!? I DID NOT ORDER THIS!" Swiftpaw shouted.

"Oh my god, it's the legendary scout!" A panther said.

"Why yes I am the scout." Swiftpaw lied.

"We are like your biggest fans." The Panther said. Many animals began to turn their heads to Swiftpaw as she gave out the magazine with a picture of the BLU Scout with so many animals. Swiftpaws eyes twitched as his breathing picked up rapidly.

"That lube is good for butts." The cashier snickered.

Ashpaw and Cloudpaw were finishing up as Cloudpaw was trying to fix the detonator on his strongest explosive.

"What?" Cloudpaw mewed as he was fixing the detonator. Suddenly Swiftpaw bursts out of the gas station, his breath heavy and he was in a state of panic.

"WE GOT TO GO! NOW!" Swiftpaw shouted.

"What happened?" Ashpaw asked puzzled. Swiftpaw barreled himself into the Camper van as he pointed the door as many of them came out the door for Swiftpaw.

"What's this now?" Cloudpaw asked as he pulled himself into the back of the Camper.

"Bloody hell." Ashpaw mewed sternly as he flipped himself over the camper and he pulled himself in without opening the door. He puts his paw down on the acceleration.

"Get him! Shoot the tires!" The white fox ordered. A squirrel with a gun opened as it began shooting at the van. Ashpaw shifted the gear forward as the van accelerated quickly shaking Cloudpaw around tossing the big medicine container containing the herbs out the van as they pulled away.

"Thankfully I don't remember though." Cloudpaw mewed in his dazed state.

"What did you do Swiftpaw?" Ashpaw mewed.

"I had to go to the bathroom!" Swiftpaw shouted. Ashpaw handed him an empty jar. "Ew no, gross. Keep driving."

"I wonder if you two wanted some candy that I've packed along with us." Cloudpaw mewed from the back. No one responded. "Nevermind then."

 **[A/N]: So I'm ending this chapter here for now as I still want to give you some time to submit your teams or I will have to do it for you. The teams could be any franchise you want including armies but no OC'S for franchises and no actual people for the armies. Also I got kind of bad news since school starts again tomorrow but for the second semester. Take care.**


	3. Arrival and Day 1: Fishing

The camper soon found its way into the wildlife park as many other cars, trucks and campers were. Ashpaw looked for a good place to park his Camper while Swiftpaw was talking to himself.

"Spoilers, uh, we're going to win this." Swiftpaw mewed as Ashpaw parked the Camper. The three apprentices got out of the camper as they were among teams of core army groups, knights or those that wanted money. Cloudpaw looked around smiling as he took another sip of his Ginger Ale. He was sure that he wanted to make friends this weekend. Soon another yet larger camper came pulling up. Out came three warriors that the Apprentices weren't ready to meet. Mudclaw, Onewhisker and Tawnyfur were padding out as they were ready to compete.

Team Windclan Warriors: 4 time Bushman's Champions, Thunderclan's biggest rivals (Since the beginning).

Soon a salamander man turned off the music to the radio. Another yet bigger man staggered over to the stage. He soon took the radio off the table as he soon reached over to the back of his hand. He got out something and puts it on the table. His clenched fist soon opened up revealing a green toy soldier not even two inches tall. There was a megaphone his size as well.

"Welcome knights, outdoorsmen and warriors of all types. Our annual bushman's challenge is upon us to see who teams are the champions of nature. Three challenges await you all this weekend." The toy soldier began the introduction. The strange big man soon took up an old TV and stuffed a VHS inside and he pushed play which would play the three challenges. "The Fisher, your largest catch from Lake Wheeling wins the day. The Parker you must choose a single team member to endure twenty four hours of intense camping. No leaving the tent, no bathroom breaks, no eating!" Swiftpaw began to feel nervous about the second challenge. "The final day, hunting, the ultimate test. Bring down the rarest and most prized game within the afternoon to win this challenge. In the end, we will tally the results and determine the winner. Whoever wins will receive this prize." The Salamander man brought up a box containing a metallic light blue Kukri knife. "This knife is made out of pure electrifying Cobalt, a powerful and rare conductive metal that can cut and tear through anything. And an overall compensation pool for you and your teammates to share. Now get ready and let the first challenge begin!" The Toy Soldier continued to narrate as it established the rules, once done, the race was on to see who was the champions.

Ashpaw, Swiftpaw and Cloudpaw were on a row boat on Lake Wheeling with their fishing rods determined to catch the biggest fish in the lake. They looked around bored as there was no activity to be going on.

"THIS SUCKS!" Swiftpaw shouted. This thing right here, this sucks. We get one stupid knife and I bet I'm not going to wield it!" Swiftpaw continued to shout. Cloudpaw was going to take a sip of his Ginger Ale when he heard Swiftpaw's complaints.

"Hey don't forget the compensation pool." Cloudpaw mewed trying to lift Swiftpaw's spirits.

"Probably gift cards for Sniper Rifles and Explosives." Swiftpaw continued to grumble.

"Oy, that will be nice." Cloudpaw admitted. He looked up to see a Bald Eagle with dual M16's under its wings fly overhead.

Ashpaw continued to look around as he sat there bored and wanted to see what the others were up to. Dutch, Bella and Big kitten were busy tossing tiny pieces of cheese to attract the fish. Ashpaw turned his head to the left and spotted CJ, Ryder and Big Smoke arguing as they aimlessly headed into the spouts that were feeding the water into Lake Wheeling, and they began sinking as a result. Windclan's fishing boat soon came around looking for fish to catch. Ashpaw turned behind him to find the knights battling a giant squid. Soon he turned around to see that Cloudpaw had something on his hook and he was reeling in the catch.

"Oh mother Princess, hopefully this is a worthy catch." Cloudpaw prayed. He opened his eyes to reveal he caught golfing gear. Swiftpaw's phone began ringing as Ashpaw turned groaning.

"No stop no, come back." Swiftpaw mewed as something tugged his line and as a result it drags his entire rod down. Ashpaw threw his rod down in frustration that Swiftpaw wasn't doing his share as he went over to him. Swiftpaw snaps a picture of himself with the lake. Ashpaw took Swiftpaw's phone and chucked it into the lake. It plops in the water as it sunk to the bottom. Swiftpaw was pissed. "Looking to take a swim there you asshole?" Swiftpaw mewed aggressively.

"I swear it, you cost me this challenge Swifpaw, I'll strap a fin to your back and hang you out to dry." Ashpaw threatened him as he was not doing his part.

"Bring it piss drinker!" Swiftpaw threatened. Cloudpaw soon appeared separating the two of them.

"No you two, let's be smart here and call it off." Cloudpaw mewed as he didn't want any fighting.

"This challenge is where we win a knife that I'M NEVER GOING TO FUCKING USE!" Swiftpaw began to vent his anger.

"You're not that smart with that voice of yours." Ashpaw growled.

During all of this time, Swiftpaw's phone was sinking to the bottom of the lake. Luckily it was waterproof but it continued to sink to the bottom. Soon a shape snatched the phone up as it was moving very fast. Frank the Shark was busy watching television about sharks murdering all of the fish when the door knocked. Frank opened the door revealing a Canadian Dolphin.

"Hey Frank?" The Dolphin asked. "Look who's topside." He showed him the phone which contained the snapped picture of Swiftpaw.

Back on the Surface, Ashpaw soon decided to use Swiftpaw as bait for the fish.

"Not so smart are you now?" Ashpaw mewed.

"No seriously, you suck." Swiftpaw mewed at Ashpaw.

"You will get your phone back or I'll use you as bait." Ashpaw mewed to him.

"Um NO!" Swiftpaw mewed.

"You are a bloody disgrace." Ashpaw sneered at him. Cloudpaw looked over to see a massive shark coming right to their boat. Before Swiftpaw could react he saw the shark swimming to him as it was now hunting him.

"Are you kidding me?!" Swiftpaw mewed as his smug behavior was soon replaced with fright. "I regret everything! I regret everything I have ever done!" Cloudpaw soon grabbed the back of Ashpaw as he pulled him onto the rowboat before the shark could get them. "It's happening! Oh god it's happening!"

Ashpaw grabbed his Sniper Rifle to kill the shark as Cloudpaw began looking around for his grenade launcher. His head turned as he realized he left all of his explosives were at the dock more than a mile and a half away.

"Did you see the bloody bombs?!" Cloudpaw asked Swiftpaw.

"Aw crap." Swiftpaw responded. "I'm sorry! I didn't know were going to need them for this!" Ashpaw began to wait for the perfect moment to fire his rifle at the fish. A bullet hits the shark as it soon came at them.

"INCOMING!" Ashpaw shouted as the shark rams the side of the boat knocking everyone down. Soon Cloudpaw saw an empty can as he had an idea.

"Shoot that bitch! Do it!" Swiftpaw shouted as he was still panicking. Cloudpaw soon pulled Swiftpaw over. Ashpaw shot out missing the shot.

"Bugger! Ashpaw shouted

"Quick! I'm going to need some of your BONK!" Cloudpaw ordered Swiftpaw for his demand.

"Why? You don't drink BONK!" Swiftpaw mewed.

"Laddy… One, I drink everything. And B… I AIN'T GOING TO DRINK IT!" Cloudpaw shouted at Swiftpaw telling him his reasoning. Swiftpaw handed over three full cans of BONK. Ashpaw still looked for the precise moment to fire his rifle. He soon fired missing again.

"Bugger!" Ashpaw mewed as he missed again.

"I have a fire cracker on me." Cloudpaw mewed as he got out the single firecracker and some duct tape. He soon puts the tape and firecracker on the BONK cans as he began to shake the cans violently. "Get his mouth open!" Cloudpaw soon lit the Firecracker with a match as the rope began to sizzle away. It was now or never.

"Steady steady." Ashpaw mewed. He fired the last shot as Cloudpaw threw the cans of BONK in the shark's mouth.

Back under the water the Canadian Dolphin was looking at pictures of Swiftpaw's phone finding anything interesting.

"Eheh Oy, this otter sure likes Schitzel. Ehehehee." The Canadian dolphin laughed as he looked at the phone. Soon Frank the Shark respawned. He was obviously blown up by Cloudpaw. "What happened?" The shark soon grabbed the phone as he pushed on a button.

"Lost device tracker active, tracking owner." The GPS began to announce. The shark's look grew menacing.

Back on land, the salamander was busy measuring all the catches that were made and tallying the results for Day 1's challenge. Ashpaw was confident they were going to win seeing how they managed to kill a shark. The Salamander decided to finish tallying up everything before he decided a winner. He took the arm of Mudclaw as he held them up high showing they have had won the catch. Their catch was CJ, Ryder and Big smoke and their fishing boat with them in it as they continued to argue. They went for the easiest catch.

"Congratulations to team Warriors Windclan with the biggest catch they have caught this day." The green army man began to ramble. Ashpaw stood horrified seeing how Windclan cheated.

"What?!" Swiftpaw shouted in anger

"Ey they didn't specify what we could catch." Cloudpaw mewed. Ashpaw threw his hat down as he was upset by this.

 **[A/N]: So that's day one's challenge and Ashpaw isn't happy about this. Luckily he still has two days to pull it together. But tonight will be the return of the shark. Heres everyone's scores so far.**

 **Teams:**

 **Warriors Windclan: 90**

 **Warriors Thunderclan: 86**

 **Big dogs (Characters from A Dogs way home) 72**

 **Warcraft: 52**

 **UNSC: 22**

 **Skyrim: 19**

 **USMC: 30**

 **Ultra Marines: 4**

 **Germans: 10**

 **Sun prayers: 2**

 **Space Marines: 14**

 **SMNC: 9**

 **Japanese samurais: 16**

 **GTA San Andreas: 0 (They were literally the fish.)**

 **The shark will be coming so watch out.**


	4. Attack of the night shark

It was sunset as the campers felt bitter about the first day. Only 2 teams were happy but they tried to find some happiness as they sat around the fire. They were eating the dinners that the brought with them for the challenge.

"I worry about my Legacy!" Big Smoke shouted.

Yeah but you." CJ insisted. Then the car exploded.

"Aww mother fucker! What happened?" Ryder asked as he felt it.

"I'mma pass out." CJ grumbled as the car exploded a few more times.

"Mellow! Mellow! Mellow!" The Space marines chanted as they roasted some marshmallows. Ashpaw, Cloudpaw and Swiftpaw were busy eating some rice and sausage mixture that Cloudpaw made.

"Tomorrow is challenge two." Ashpaw mewed to them.

"Twenty four hours in the tent. Easy." Swiftpaw mewed as that challenge will be a breeze.

"Wrong, Laddie. You would be surprised how much a cat can handle a day of pure solitude." Cloudpaw mewed to Swiftpaw.

"That's why solitary is a thing as rogues or loners." Ashpaw mewed.

"Luckily only one of us is needed for the challenge. Huh?" Swiftpaw mewed getting a bit cocky.

"Big day ahead of you mates." Cloudpaw mewed as he tossed his Ginger Ale aside for a Rootbeer and Cream soda mixture. "Now this is the good stuff." He soon went over pouring the two other apprentices a cup of the mixture with their dinner. "To Ashpaw, may he keep his sanity." The three of them began to drink it as it tasted good in the three cat's mouths.

"Your right, it is the good stuff." Ashpaw remarked. Swiftpaw soon threw a bottle of rum on the fire as an explosion went off destroying the fire. "Maybe we should go to bed." The two other apprentices nodded.

Three hours later, the sky was dark and all the other campers were asleep. Cloudpaw was sleeping silently, Swiftpaw was snoring loudly and Ashpaw couldn't sleep at all. Cloudpaw's eyes began to wake up.

"I'm going to use the bathroom." Cloudpaw mewed as he left the tent carrying his Loch N' Load with him as personal defense. Something was lurking in the bushes as it spotted the tent where the two apprentices were fast asleep. Soon the ringtone to Swiftpaw's phone began ringing.

"Swiftpaw turn your bloody phone off." Ashpaw commanded.

"I can't stupid, you threw it in the lake." Swiftpaw mewed to him back. He fell asleep but he realized his mistake. He suddenly realized that someone had followed him to the tent. "Aw spit." Soon Frank the Shark enters the tent, the two apprentices wake up as Swiftpaw and Ashpaw began to panic as they had a shark in the tent. The two apprentices tried desperately to get rid of the wild shark as it was heading further into their tent. "Punch it! Punch it in the nose!" Swiftpaw shouted as the shark was going to injure one of them.

"It's called a snout!" Ashpaw corrected him.

"Whatever just hit it!" Swiftpaw screamed as the shark was going wild.

"No! It just pisses it off! Don't you watch Animal Planet?" Ashpaw mewed trying to tell him how to hit the shark

"I'm no stupid furry! I DON'T WATCH THAT SHIT!" Swiftpaw screamed knowing that he hated furries. BLU Scout was hanging some photos of him with several furries as he looked to the side.

"Huh, I feel like I'm being insulted." BLU scout said pondering to himself.

Ashpaw and Swiftpaw were still battling the shark as it was wiggling wildly on them. Ashpaw tried kicking it before it clamped its jaws on Ashpaw's leg. Ashpaw went silent before he felt it and he screamed in agony. Cloudpaw soon returned to confront the shark.

"Hey!" Cloudpaw called out. The shark looked at him. Cloudpaw got out his 6 barrel Loch N' Load as he launched 6 pills at the shark simultaneously blowing the shark up. Cloudpaw soon took the phone as he walked to the tent.

"Hurry Swiftpaw!" Ashpaw called out.

"Oh this ain't good!" Swiftpaw asked nervously as it was nowhere in sight.

"Help me!" Ashpaw shouted.

"Okay this is not looking good here um." Swiftpaw mewed puzzled. "Where is it where is it? Oh where is it?"

Oy this is not good." Cloudpaw mewed as he looked at Ashpaw's injured leg

"Oh jeez the Herb kit!" Swiftpaw shouted as the Herb it was out of sight.

"Hurry Swiftpaw!" Ashpaw shouted. Cloudpaw decided to try to get into contact with Cinderpelt.

Back at home, the phone rang as Longtail and Thornpaw were struggling to get the couch up to the Living room. Dustpelt picked the phone up.

"Hello?" Dustpelt mewed.

"Cinderpelt!" Cloudpaw screamed into the phone.

"Nope Avi." Dustpelt responded before hanging up. He walked away before the phone began ringing again.

"Dummkopfs!" Cinderpelt shouted, she walked over picking up the phone. "Eh hello?"

"CINDERPELT!" Cloudpaw shouted.

"I DON'T DO HOUSE CALLS!" Cinderpelt shouted back before hanging up the phone.

"Where's the herb kit?!" Swiftpaw mewed as they completely lost it.

Back at the rest stop, the Herb kit laid there still in the same spot as the trio left it earlier that day. Soon a cat came walking over as it was a rogue. It soon found the herb kit as it laid there.

"Herbs!" Sasha mewed excitedly.

Swiftpaw remembered something. He picked up some first aid and pain killers from the gas station when they went to the rest stop. He went to the camper van.

"OI!" Ashpaw called out. Swiftpaw got the supplies from the van as he went over to treat Ashpaw's leg injury, He puts a pressure bandage on the cleaned up wounds. He soon fastened the safety clips to hold the bandage to keep it in place.

"Here take this." Swiftpaw mewed giving him a pill and some water to wash it down. Ashpaw took the pill.

"Not enough there, hopefully I'll recover for tomorrow." Ashpaw grunted.

"Ah, no, you can't compete like that Ashpaw. I know leg injuries; that is going to drive you nuts." Swiftpaw mewed telling Ashpaw what was going on before making an offer he would normally never do. "Let me do it."

"What?!" Ashpaw and Cloudpaw mewed seeing Swiftpaw's request.

"Ashpaw, I've seen you camp." Swiftpaw mewed. He flashed back when they were at home as Ashpaw tried to kill Shadowclan cats with his rifle and him in a tent. Rowanpaw was in the house across from him trying to get Ashpaw in an Igloo. Both sides continued to fire throwing insults at each other. "And you suck."

"Hey what about me? Give me some actual booze and I can pass out for the entire day." Cloudpaw suggested.

"You're not allowed to drink in the challenge." Ashpaw mewed.

"Never mind then." Cloudpaw sighed.

"Just let me do it, I can get us those points I promise." Swiftpaw mewed. He was sure to not let any of his teammates down.

 **[A/N]: This will be the last instance of Frank the Shark but Day 2 is just here. Keep reading to figure out if Swiftpaw did keep his team together. Day 2 will be posted soon hopefully.**


	5. Day 2: Camping

19

It was the next day as the 14 campers from the 14 teams were all selected to participate in the parker part of the challenge. Swiftpaw looked nervously as he made his way to tent 3.

Teams for the marked tents:

 **Warriors Windclan: 1**

 **Warcraft: 2**

 **Warriors Thunderclan: 3 (Swiftpaw)**

 **Big Dogs: 4**

 **SMNC: 5**

 **Ultra-Marines: 6**

 **Germans: 7**

 **Skyrim: 8**

 **Space Marines: 9**

 **Japanese Samurais: 10**

 **GTA San Andreas: 11**

 **Sun Prayers: 12**

 **UNSC: 13**

 **USMC: 14**

"At noon, the singular teammate you've selected must remain undisturbed for a full twenty four hours. The rules for the parkers challenge include: No eating, No drinking, No noise and no leaving the tent. Anyone who breaks these rules will be automatically ejected and disqualified from the Parker's challenge. There will be no warnings." The toy soldier would tell the rules to the participants. "All participants get into your tent." All 14 participants got into their tents as Swiftpaw was nervous but confident about this challenge. Get ready, set begin!" The Salamander man fired his gun into the air as the timer began for a full day. "Challenge two is underway."

The other 28 participants were watching the television that had the camera on the campsite as Ashpaw had a golf club for a cane as his leg was still healing. The seconds ticked by to see who would be the first to break and run out of the tent. Everyone was holding their breaths to see who would be the first to break and hoping it wasn't their team and Ashpaw continued to hold his breath. Soon sixty seconds went by and one of the campers made a break for it.

"I'M HUNGRY!" Big Smoke announced as he left his tent. A hand was placed on him as he was automatically disqualified.

"Ah Smoke, no!" CJ cried as he couldn't even last 5 minutes in the tent. Ryder fell down due to him having three cigarettes in his face. 89 more minutes went by as the shooting from a bored Ultra Marine was sounded. His teammate shrugged as Ashpaw continued to hold his breath. Time continued to tick by as everyone that still had campers were holding their breaths.

Back at the house, the sun was beginning to set. Brackenfur was trying to open a jar of Mayonnaise while Longtail was flipping through the channels to see what was on.

"Why won't you open?! I want your creamy sustenance!" Brakenfur shouted as he continued to try to flip through the channels. Soon a disturbing channel came on.

"Tonight on Truck Fuck, this tub of Siberian lard will go all in exhaust penetration on his friend's 1941 Chevrolet AK pickup DeLuxe for a reward of 399,900 dollars and 98 cents!" Longtail blushed as he was somewhat disturbed; he quickly changed the channel to another channel which was the live footage of the Parker's challenge being broadcasted on TV.

"Hey, isn't that the challenge thing that Ashpaw, Cloudpaw and Swiftpaw are currently in right now?" Dustpelt asked curiously.

"Uh-huh." Thornpaw responded. The timer still had 16 hours left as they continued to watch it. They all continued to watch it as they were wondering who were still in the campers. Brackenfur wasn't pleased with this.

"This is boring." Brackenfur mewed before he took the TV remote as he changed it to the pervious channel.

"He's going for it! Does he have what it takes to go all in?" The show narrator began.

"Now that is what I want to see!" Brackenfur mewed happily. Longtail ran out of the Living room knocking Thornpaw over and running into Whitestorm.

"You Imbecile!" Whitestorm scolded Longtail.

"Ha, I guess capitalist television isn't for everyone." Brackenfur responded.

"Wait a minute, I recognize that truck." Cinderpelt mewed.

Back at the Parker's challenge, 12 campers still remained. Soon some wrappers fell out of the tent as the giant man walked over to tent 14 to see that the resident inside had been eating. He soon took another bite of his food while his teammate face palmed as his teammate was stupid.

Soon day turned to night as there was still 14 hours left to the challenge. The man saw a foot hanging out of tent 9 and with a flamethrower; he burned it down to see the inhabitant had a lollypop in his hands.

"Uh I can explain." The Space Marine tried to reason with him but nothing. Another solider went up to tent 7 as he had something to explain.

"I got a settlement that we can easily take, I'll mark it on the map." The German soldier convinced the camper to come out of his tent; the giant man looked as he saw another participant had disqualified himself. Soon tent 8 convulsed as it puked out the Skyrim knight. (Deaded)

"Oh boy here it comes." The Salamander man called out as the sun rose. The remaining participants held their breaths as the final hours were ticking. They were all looking around nervously waiting for it to be over. Soon it was noon and the alarm rang signaling the end of the Parker's challenge. Ashpaw and Cloudpaw soon shot up with excitement as the challenge was soon over. He threw the Golf club at Mudclaw as they sprinted out. Ashpaw's leg had healed fully as he sprinted over with Cloudpaw. They soon found Swiftpaw in his tent. He shot out to greet his friends.

"How did you last that long, we were holding our breaths for you." Cloudpaw mewed.

"I lasted for going to sleep for 16 hours, I didn't get much sleep last night because of the shark. I only woke up when the alarm went off and I had my phone on me but I kept taking naps." Swiftpaw mewed.

"Come with us, you must be conditioned up for the last challenge with food, water and a nice bathroom break." Ashpaw mewed. They were glad that Swiftpaw stuck to his promise.

 **[A/N] So the weekend is over and that means back to classes. Hopefully I would get this done as soon as possible before things get busy. It's not going to be as busy as last semester which I had to take some complex classes. Here's the teams scores' in order.**

 **Teams:**

 **Warriors Windclan: 190**

 **Warriors Thunderclan: 186**

 **Big dogs: 172**

 **Warcraft: 152**

 **UNSC: 122**

 **Japanese Samurais: 116**

 **SMNC: 109**

 **Sun Prayers: 106**

 **USMC: 30**

 **Skyrim: 19**

 **Space Marines: 14**

 **Germans: 10**

 **Ultra-Marines: 4**

 **GTA San Andreas: 0 (Big Smoke had to order his Two #9's, a #9 large, a #6 with extra dip, a #7, Two #45's, one with cheese and a large soda.)**


	6. Final day: Hunting

It was the afternoon that all the campers have gathered around as they were all refreshed and ready. Today was the final day.

"The final challenge is upon us. So far, Warriors Windclan is ahead and Warriors Thunderclan is following closely behind. Many of you need to pull your weight around with points to catch up. So for this challenge, we tally the weight and rarity of your bounty in the allotted time. Let the final challenge begin!" The toy soldier was rambling about it. The Salamander man fired off his gun to begin the challenge and a bald eagle fell out of the sky. "Well, the American Bald Eagle is the hunt to beat. Good luck."

The campers began to get into their cars as they were ready to search the forest for the rarest bounty. Cloudpaw entered as he was ready to drive while Swiftpaw called shotgun. Ashpaw stood on top of the campers as Cloudpaw began to adjust the driver's stick. They were off. Fortunately the Camper was an all-terrain type of driver. They trekked through the forest in search of such bounty, even making a pit stop in the clearing to have a snack. They continued searching knowing that this challenge was going to be the fate of game as a whole. They soon drove up to seem to be a big print in the ground. Ashpaw jumped off the camper.

"So what are we after? Dragons? Dinosaurs? Nessie?" Cloudpaw rambled as he and Swiftpaw got out of the camper. They inspected the big footprint in the ground. "Wow that's nice."

"That is a big foot." Swiftpaw mewed. They soon turned their heads to him. "What?"

"We're going to need bait." Ashpaw mewed as he and Cloudpaw had the best plan. Cloudpaw soon took out a photo he snapped while they were at the Rest stop. They taped it to the back of Swiftpaw as they had him sitting on a tree stump.

"Uh? What am I exactly doing again?" Swiftpaw mewed confused.

"Just sit around there, stick to the plan. And keep an eye out for the big foot." Ashpaw mewed. He soon opened a special box containing his prized hunting rifle. "Come to Ashpaw my little beauty." He purred taking the Sniper Rifle from the box. Cloudpaw went around setting up a trap of explosives as Ashpaw took the high ground to see what the other teams were up to.

The Skyrim knights were busy battling a giant fire breathing dragon, Ashpaw turned his head into another direction. He soon spotted Dutch setting a trap for some animal catchers as Bella and Big kitten watched. Ashpaw's head soon turned, he soon spotted CJ, Big smoke and Ryder arguing with a deer, moose and elk. It soon turned into a shootout as the hunted had guns as well. Ashpaw soon turned his head to spot Mudclaw, Onewhisker and Tawnyear looking in the same direction as Ashpaw. They soon threw something as it knocked him off of his perch. Ashpaw got up and they continued to wait.

An hour had passed and still no sign of the big foot. Swiftpaw was growing increasingly bored. Cloudpaw soon got an Idea as he got some sticks and some glue together as he went wild. Ashpaw continued to maintain his post waiting for the prize.

Another hour went by as they began to pick up something. Cloudpaw was busy watching Wallace and Gromit on his entertainment center he made from sticks and pinecones. Soon Ashpaw shuffled his paw telling Cloudpaw to come over as he shuts off his entertainment center. Soon the trees began to rustle revealing the big foot.

"MMM Banana." The big foot rumbled as he began to drool. Ashpaw and Cloudpaw got ready.

"Destruction in 3… 2… 1…" Ashpaw mewed. Soon Cloudpaw sets off the trap of Explosives as the Bigfoot was surrounded. Swiftpaw jumped as Ashpaw pulled the trigger. The bullet flew in the air gracefully but it was shattered by another shot before it could hit its target. "No, no. NO!" Ashpaw screamed as Mudclaw raised his rifle shooting the big foot in the back. It stumbled around before it fell dead on the ground. The three cats walked over as Ashpaw ran to try to claim the prize. "Come on!" Ashpaw growled as he held onto his Kukri. Tawnyear tossed Mudclaw a Katana as they were ready to duel for the prize. Swiftpaw ran over but Cloudpaw stopped him.

"No no Laddie." Cloudpaw mewed.

"We can't let him get away with this shit." Swiftpaw mewed.

"And miss out on this?" Cloudpaw mewed as Ashpaw tossed his Kukri around ready for a fight.

"Point taken." Swiftpaw mewed as he grabbed some candy and Cloudpaw took out some Ginger Ale.

Ashpaw leaped up and so did Mudclaw, clashing their weapons together trying to overpower each other. But the rustling came from the trees. Out came a second, much bigger big foot. The big foot that Mudclaw had killed was just a baby and this second big foot was the father and he was pissed.

"Umm… he did it." Mudclaw mewed pointing his Katana to Ashpaw.

"What?" Ashpaw mewed confused. The Papa big foot didn't believe them. He soon kicked Mudclaw, Onewhisker and Tawnyear away, yeeting them from the scene. Ashpaw, Cloudpaw and Swiftpaw made a run for the Camper van. Swiftpaw soon hopped into the driver's seat while Ashpaw grabbed the ladder and Cloudpaw jumped into the trailer part of the van. Swiftpaw was going as fast as he could while Cloudpaw grabbed his 6 barrel Loch N' Load as he was ready to pepper this monster with explosives.

"Swiftpaw watch out!" Ashpaw shouted. Swiftpaw didn't realize this as he hits a Space Marine.

"You're so dead! Like I said, you're so dead. See ya." The space marine spouted before he slid off the hood of the camper.

"Push lads! I need some help holdin' em' off!" Cloudpaw mewed as he was launching grenades at the monster. The grenades did little against an angry papa big foot. CJ and his friends saw this as an opportunity to get the biggest catch of the game.

"Fuck him up!" CJ ordered as he and his friends activated their cheat codes. CJ got an RPG, Big Smoke got a Minigun and Ryder got a yacht which crushed the three of them.

"What the fuck?" CJ asked. Cloudpaw continued to lob the giant with grenades but they did nothing.

"This is not good." Cloudpaw mewed as he ran out of grenades. They soon bursted out of the forest and onto the open ground as this proved to be a problem.

"Holy crap, I can get out and run faster than this!" Swiftpaw hissed realizing how slow the Camper van was going.

"Swiftpaw! Put it in gear!" Ashpaw shouted as putting the van in gear would make it go faster.

"I don't know how to drive a manual!" Swiftpaw shouted back.

"Goandshiftthebloodystickuponebyoneuntilyougettothefourth!" Ashpaw ordered Swiftpaw but his language was nothing more than a big jumble of words.

"There's no numbers on this thing! All I know is stop and go, and this thing ain't going!" Swiftpaw shouted.

"Oh just play with the damn thing!" Ashpaw shouted. Swiftpaw began to play with it but only resulted the van stopping dead as the papa big foot tripped on the van and fell down. "Oops." Swiftpaw desperately tried to shift the driver as he turned around avoiding the hand of the big foot. It soon grabbed trees as it was throwing them at the trio.

"Incoming!" Ashpaw called out as the trees landed. They soon turned right as more trees landed as the Papa big foot was hot on their heels. "Cloudpaw? What's the strongest bomb you got?" Ashpaw asked as Cloudpaw took out his strongest bomb.

"The detonator is broken on it and it will barely fit into me launcher." Cloudpaw mewed getting out his M79 grenade launcher for the biggest bombs.

"Fine I'll shoot it." Ashpaw mewed.

"It won't launch, it will get jammed." Cloudpaw mewed. Swiftpaw looked over as he grabbed the tube of anal lube, he had an idea.

"Here will this work?" Swiftpaw asked as he gave the tube to Ashpaw.

"What the bloody hell is this?" Ashpaw asked.

"Just use it!" Swiftpaw shouted. Ashpaw gave the anal lube tube to Cloudpaw as he had the same question.

"What the bloody hell is?!" Cloudpaw asked as he held the tube.

"JUST USE IT!" Swiftpaw and Ashpaw shouted. Cloudpaw coated the tube of the launcher with the anal lube as he loaded the bomb in.

"Lock and loaded, ready on your mark." Cloudpaw mewed as he was ready.

"Keep it steady Swiftpaw." Ashpaw ordered.

"Yeah. Sure!" Swiftpaw mewed as he was really stressed out. Ashpaw got his Sniper Rifle out as he was ready to fire.

"Get your arms up you cunt." Ashpaw sneered as he waited for the perfect moment when the Papa big foot had the trees in his hands. "Now Cloudpaw NOW!" Cloudpaw fired the bomb as Ashpaw shot it a second later. The bomb and the bullet flew gracefully in the air as they both collided in front of the big foot as everything went black.

The baby big foot was watching TV with some band aids over his gunshot wound as Papa big foot respawned in the living room.

"How was your walk in the woods?" Mama big foot asked as it was washing the dishes. Papa Big foot was madder than ever.

The camper soon came to a slow stop as the three of them got out to inspect their colossal catch.

"Oy you did it mate." Cloudpaw mewed as he was proud.

"We all did it." Swiftpaw mewed. Cloudpaw gave some Ginger Ale to Ashpaw as he takes a sip and he gave it to Swiftpaw as he took a sip as well. They were heading home with the meat tonight.


	7. Aftermath: Thunderclan wins

It was nighttime when everyone came back with their prizes. The sky lit up with Fireworks as everyone made it back. Their catches varied from small to large and some had multiple catches. But there was only one true winner.

"Congradulations to team Warriors Thunderclan! With their incredible hunt and tally across the board, they were this year's champions!" The toy soldier announced as the Salamander man walked over with the box.

 **Teams final scores for the Bushman's challenge:**

 **Warriors Thunderclan: 286 (Gold)**

 **Warriors Windclan: 279 (Silver)**

 **Big dogs: 264 (Bronze)**

 **Warcraft 234**

 **SMNC: 199**

 **Japanese Samurais: 184**

 **UNSC: 179**

 **Sun Prayers: 142**

 **USMC: 84**

 **Skyrim: 71**

 **Space Marines: 62**

 **German Soldiers: 50**

 **Ultra-Marines: 32**

 **GTA San Andreas: 0 (All we had to do was score the damn points CJ!)**

"As promised, the rare Electrifying Cobalt knife, use it well." The Toy soldier told Ashpaw as he held it as he felt the electricity bounce off the knife.

"Looks like you got your prize there. Congrats Ashpaw" Swiftpaw mewed as he held the gold trophy.

"And yours. Bragging rights mate." Ashpaw mewed as he and Swiftpaw joined their paws and gave it a shake.

"Oh looks like we're getting more than that." Cloudpaw mewed as he held a bottle of Champagne. Soon the Salamander man came with a large wheelbarrow as it was holding the second part of the prize.

"And the compensation pool to share amongst yourselves." The Toy soldier announced as the wheel barrow had a total of half a million dollars in it as the grand prize.

"Holy dooley!" Ashpaw shouted in surprise as they not only had a rare knife but lots of money on top of that. The three of them laughed as Cloudpaw opened the bottle of Champagne. It splashed all over the place but everyone was still laughing as they were still super proud of their victory, Ashpaw especially.

But with every good thing that happened, it had to all end. All the challengers were packing up and heading for home. Ashpaw was busy packing the camper up while Swiftpaw was socializing with CJ while Big Smoke was enjoying his #45's. Cloudpaw was already in the camper.

"A lot of crazy shit happens to us all the time. Just the other day, a missile fell from the sky and blew up our pool." Swiftpaw began. Some of the rustling came from the bushes. It turned out to be Scourge and Bone as they were spying on the three apprentices. Ashpaw looked at the hight number of cats before those cats took off in their jet packs. "Also, back in April, we had a cook out. Our grill came to life and kicked our asses."

"For sure?" CJ asked.

"Yes and we were saved by a toaster, a freaking toaster!" Swiftpaw mewed.

"That's amazing. Well I got to go back with my homies. It was nice meeting you Swifty." CJ told him. He walked away as the other campers were leaving.

"Ready to head back?" Ashpaw asked as Swiftpaw climbed into the camper.

"Yes please." Swiftpaw smiled. Ashpaw puts the camper into gear as they headed for home.

 **[A/N]: So that's the end of Bush Beaters for the few that have read the story. It was insane idea but with an insane pay off. Private message me since the kitchen door is open for you to cook up some insane ideas.**

 **Ashpaw: RED Sniper**

 **Swiftpaw: RED Scout**

 **Cloudpaw: RED Demoman.**

 **Big thanks goes out to the Greatdictator who made the Team Neighborhood series since his ideas were insane enough to begin with. Hope you make more Team Neighborhood episodes.**


End file.
